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20041224

Guys, if you've been wondering what the hell happened to me? Just wanted you to know that I have.........

MOOOOOVED!

New blog website...
www.thelifeofmadnis.blogspot.com

madnis @ 01:4620041210

Time of departure: 1150am.
Time of arrival: 1240pm.

I have safely arrived in Vietnam. The flight was short. Garuda is such a small aircraft. The entertainment system does not entertain at all. The food, i chose fish, was tasteless. But, thankfully, we reached Vietnam safely. The flight was a little bumpy at first, but it was ok after a bit.

Vietnam, so far, has been a lot different from Singapore as expected. The roads here are bustling. Motorcycles rule the roads. These motorcycles scurry the roads like busy working ants. There are no rules, anything goes. You can ride on any lane you want. I was addicted to Need For Speed: Underground 2 because you could ride round the city on any lane you like, like you ruled the roads. Come to Vietnam, and what you do in the game becomes reality. Only difference, you're not in a modified Japanese car, but a motorcycle or even a bicycle. Cool eh?

You thought you could cross Malaysian roads, you could cross any damn road in the world. Well, newsflash, try Vietnam. It's wild here. First of all, they're riding on any damn lane they please. These people just love their horns, every minute, you'll the horns sounding. It's crazy i tell you. There is a certain skill to cross the roads.

I have to go now. We're going to see some curtains, actually my mum wants to go see some curtains so I'll just follow. I don't have a choice right? I'm in a foreign land after all.

I miss Siti loads.

madnis @ 18:1220041206

I Love This Girl So Much!!!!!

This was my wallpaper, until the computer screwed up on me again. But, hey, I like it. This is one of my creations. Doesn't Siti look pretty in tudung?

Ok...Maybe it's a bit difficult to see in that picture. What about this one? I love this one. She looks so sweet.

Ok, i'm in the process of doing up albums of our different outings and stuff. Bear with me. It should be completed by next week, when I get back from Vietnam. Hopefully, my computer will be functioning properly by then.

Siti, I love you.

madnis @ 19:15

One of my favourite pictures of us. I love Her so much.

madnis @ 18:5220041202

2nd December 2004, Hari Raya is nearly over. A few more friends houses and that's it, my Hari Raya is over. My enthusiasm for this year's Raya has been waning, if it was there at all. I do not know why but I never looked forward to a Hari Raya with the exception of last year, which also screwed up because no one was looking forward to it. But, heck, it's tick tock-ing towards the end. I feel a little bit more relieved.

Some Highlights of Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2004:
- Going out with Siti's friends. Nerve-wrecking experience. I was a bit daunted because of my poor, no shit grasp of malay, and also my lack of self-esteem wearing a baju melayu with samping. Since young, I hated wearing it, and to HAVE to look good so as to make Siti proud, made me really nervous. Fortunately, everything went well, and made a good friend in Zul.

- Dinner at my place with 04A12. Wasn't that fun or what?! As usual, the class was as lively as usual, watched Austin Powers, talked a lot, Jie being the retarded shit he is, Lizz is the tyrant, and Kelly and her battle with the tooooooooooooooo spicy food! That was a ton of fun. In addition, Siti's first meeting with my mum and dad in the same house. So fun!

I'm too lazy to remember anymore. Yesterday, December 1st, Idol Day, Taufik won Singapore Idol, thank God. It's going to be quite weird having the Singapore Idol coming my place occasionally as he usually does. But, he is still Taufik so, nothing has changed. I still cannot be bothered all the hip-hop shit. Anyway, we(Johans, Ahmad, Zahier, Siti and I) went jalan raya-ing with the last stop being M. Johan's house to catch the last part of Idol performance and the result show. Siti, got bullied by Johan's mum, that is so fun. She did not get much from my mum, but his mum sure made use of Siti. That was so funny.

I'm really tired. But, let us talk a little bit about music. Been learning the guitar with M Johan. We've learn the bass line for Cranberries' Zombie, Nirvana's Come As You Are, learnt Brain Stew by Green Day and also the intro for Wake Me Up When September Ends bu Green Day. He, along with Johan Lim and Tracy, slept over last Saturday. And apart from playing badminton and watching soccer and the playstation, we were playing the guitar in the wee hours of Sunday morning. I want to learn Warning and Macy's Day Parade by Green Day and Pantomime by Incubus next. I hope by end of next year, our band, Fingerfoot, is up and playing, and maybe I can get myself an electric guitar.

I miss Siti. I think I got her into trouble last night. After the result show ended and we left Johan's place, it was close to midnight, so of course her mum was pissed. And her dad was sick as well, so she felt guilty and thought she was a bad daughter, which she really is not. I feel really bad because this is not the first time I got her into trouble by staying out late with her. As much as I want to send her home early, it's difficult because we only meet for such a short time. But, to be honest with myself, I don't think I have been a really responsible boyfriend. A responsible boyfriend would take his girlfriend's parents wishes into consideration as well as his own, and I have not really been thinking what is best for us in the eyes of her parents. I am guilty, and I am causing this problems between her and her parents. I have to be more responsible at a time like this, especially now, when her father is sick. I cannot allow myself to be immature and irresponsible, her family has already a lot to deal with, I do not want to add to their burdens. I love Siti so much. I would not want anything bad to happen to her. I want her to be happy, with me and with her family. I miss her.

That's it. I'm done.

I'm gone.

You should too, after you sign my guestbook.

Listen to Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5!

madnis @ 13:2520041123

Current favourite band. What an amazing band?! Musically, they are one of the best, if not the best. Their music caters to angst-filled youth, bored-to-death people, drug addicts, people who just don't give a ****, and everyone who loves rock, rock, loads of rock man. It's so sad they had to die in 1994. I think if Kurt lived to this day, rock would truely be great. Too bad, damn hip-hop pop had to become mainstream. Nevertheless, listen to this band. It is through their music, they live on. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS, THEIR MUSIC IS GOOD SHIT!

A list of my Favourite tracks:
1) Smells like Teen Spirit
2) Heart Shaped Box
3) Radio Friendly Unit Shifter noise.
4) I Hate Myself And Want To Die
5) You've Know You're Right

Listen to Nirvana! Tell me which is your favourite.

p.s I have to say this though, their music is not for those who love ballads, classics, sappy love songs, songs with meaning. They are heavy rock, yet melodic. Good Shit.

madnis @ 19:1520041118

It's 4 days after Hari Raya. Celebrations continue amongst the many Muslims in Singapore. Everyone is visiting each other's houses. Eating kuehs, young ones getting little 'green' packets, actually I wouldn't say it's green because most of the packets I've received are not green, so let's just call them packets with some money in them. Everyone is happy and smiling. Having a good time. That's the spirit of festivities amongst us Muslims.

Or is it?

I would not say I had a bad holiday, because I did not. On the surface, everything is as it is, happy and smily and good. When you look at such celebrations at a more deeper level, however, there are things which are not so fine and dandy in this family of mine. No, we are not the dysfunctional kind like the famous Osbournes and Simpsons. It is a lot more serious. There are little cliques even in my family. I do not mean immediate family(father, mother, brother, sister, aunt, grandmother....), I mean family as a whole. Some do not get along with others. Even in Hari Raya, these unhappy vibes are evident. It is forced to go to their house, because of formalities. In actual fact, this is only minor case, a case which does not really concern me. This is something left to my grand-aunts and aunts to go find peace.

What actually bugs me more is the fact that I do not feel part of this family. To some extent, I feel an outsider even in my immediate family. Of course, there has been great lengths taken over the course of this year. My brother and I are acting more like brothers now, than strangers. He used to be so caught up in his music and his friends would be his brothers, and I would be the stranger who sleeps in the same house as he. At least, now, we talk and joke. He asks for my help, and I feel more comfortable asking him for help too. I had a good say in the spring cleaning for Hari Raya this year. My opinions were taken into consideration. I remember one of the nights, I stayed up till 1am, with my mother and brother, talking about the colour of the house, the arrangements of the furniture in the rooms. I felt closer to my immediate family.

Put into the bigger Family, I still feel insignificant. A nothing compared to my brother. I am 17, but no one in this Family of mine, gives a Fuck about me. No, I am not jealous of my brother. I just feel fucked up when everything is about him, is about my sister, and me?

It's sad. I feel so distant and lonely in my own family. Where's the logic in that? I sometimes wonder, what have i done so wrong when I was younger to deserve this in the family? I never showed temper at them. I never disobeyed them. What makes me so different from the rest of my cousins? Why do I feel as though I am the only one getting treated this way?

I find it quite amusing, when I'm not with my Family, I feel more of a person that belongs. When I meet a small boy or a girl on the road, I can smile and play with them. They will respond to me. In the Family, I do the exact same thing, and they run to my brother. WTF?

I respect my brother. I really do. For his knowledge and ability, I do admire and have the utmost respect for him. He deserves to be acknowledged in the family. What I would like to know is, why am I treated inferior to him?

When I was in Primary school and Secondary school, I never really knew the meaning of best friends, of close friends. Now, at this point, I have found who are my real true friends are. They make me feel good about myself. I could never feel so confident about myself in my family. In some ways, I am afraid to express myself and show my family, me. Because, me, is not really anything special, but me exists. Me lives. Honestly speaking, I feel very ugly in this Family. Somehow, I always got shot down. I don't have the fair skin of my sister, or the brown eyes of my brother. I never had nice hair or a nice smile. I am always compared to my siblings, and they always manage to make me feel ugly about being me. Fuck, how I hate that feeling.

The good news is though, this thing about looks and shit, don't really bug me anymore. I feel good about myself because of Siti, and all my friends. I just do not want to feel distant from my Family. I want to be part of this Family. It sucks when you know you're not part of the Family. It sucks when all they say is Hello in a whole visit, and never bothered to talk to you again. You can't butt in in their conversation, because that's rude. So there you sit quietly not knowing what to say, watching everyone talk and talk and talk. Suddenly you feel dumb, and all you are able to do is eat, eat, and eat somemore. Shit right? I just want to know what I can do to correct this. I just wish I knew.

Anyway, just so you guys know, I am not upset or anything. Just some pensive thoughts there. In other news, my computer crash, which means, ALL THE PHOTOS ARE GONE!! It's true. I am pissed. I thought finally I have a computer of my own, I can chillout every night, and chat with friends, store my songs and photos inside. Poof!! It's gone. Fuck! Oh well, I guess I have to get used to it. This is like the 5th case of computer crashing in a year.

Just returned from watching the Singapore Idol first 3 songs from the remaining 3. Olinda is plain boring. If she wins, she's going to drive me nuts if I listen to her on the radio. Taufik, not being biased or anything, although he is a friend of my brother's, is the one that sounds best of the 3. Sylvester is a joke. How the fuck he reach final 3 is a mystery. Wonder what the heck those who vote for him are thinking. A Cina-Cina guy singing a song from Phantom of The Opera. What next? Jay Chou singing the 'Sound Of Music'? David Tao singing Elvis' "Jailhouse Rock"? It's a joke. Please, Singaporeans, I appeal to you, do not vote for that joke. It is not worth it. Let him go sing for you on Channel 8. He will not represent Singapore as a whole if he became idol. Only the chinese population. More than that, listen to the damn music, an picture yourself cruising odwn the road listening to the radio, and you hear the guy crooning Sinatra. Eeeks. I shudder at the thought.

Alright, I'm done updating. Back to more Idol.
Peace the Fuck Out.

madnis @ 19:3120041113

For all my Muslim friends and readers,
SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

If ever I have hurt your feelings or said something that hurt you, I would like to take this time to ask your forgiveness. I do hope you enjoy this festivities.

Happy eating the ketupats and kueh-kuehs which our aunties or even uncles, have spent so much time and effort making. Eat, but don't forget to exercise. There'll be lots of lemak to go around. Got to burn them or I am so going to laugh at your fat asses. No, I'm kidding. I'll just start pinching those soft layers. Muahaha...I'm evil. It's my newfound style. Or maybe not newfound, but hidden style. Evilness runs deep.

Eat, Enjoy, Exercise!

Happy Holidays You Bastards!

madnis @ 22:56

It is confirmed people. My dad, who just arrived in Singapore yesterday afternoon, has managed to ruin all my plans for hari raya. Wonderful don't you think so. Within a day of his arrival, he has already had such an impact.

From a two percent possibility of me flying off to Vietnam for 3-4days on the 22nd November(our 11th month anniversary), he managed to make it 100% by booking the damn ticket. Shit man. It gets better. He booked me to stay in Vietnam for a week! You would think that I should be happy and shit. But, I'm not. It sucks. The timing is just off. First, i'm leaving on OUR ANNIVERSARY. Second, when I get home, it's time for me to leave for Malaysia again because of the hockey trip planned, which would mean I WILL NOT see Siti for two damn weeks. All the way till 5-6 December. Third, I will not be around for Hari Raya visiting with Siti's friends, and my friends. I only have two weeks of Raya in Singapore, and those two weeks are for family. So what the fuck?! My dad does not give a shit about these things. I explained to him nicely and he's like, "Do what ever you like lah!" Lastly, I was supposed to be hosting the senior's farewell on the 29th Nov, and I don't think I will be home for that either.

From the heart, I don't want to hate this, but he did not even talk to me directly. He only asked if I wanted to come up to Ho Chi Minh on the 22nd. I said maybe, but I might not want to. And he happily went off to call some friend of his, and now I'm off to Vietnam. I'm really irritated.

My dad always does this. Even my mum treats me with more respect and asks me for my opinon. My dad does not even bother. He does things to what he pleases. Shit. I don't want to talk bad about my dad anymore.

To Siti,
I'm sorry. I know this is going to be very difficult for you. I love you so much. I do miss you every minute I'm not with you. As much as it is difficult for you to cope, it is difficult for me too. I love you so much. You are always on my mind. You know that. It's been constantly thinking of you as of nearly 5 years ago. It never stopped. I love you. I want you to be happy, darling. I want you to enjoy Hari Raya even if I'm not here physically. I will always be in your heart. With every kueh and ketupat and kuah lemak you eat. I will be in every house you visit. I will never leave your heart as long as you want me to stay there. Mmmmmmuacks. I miss you.

madnis @ 22:27

I'm the satay man.

12th November 2004, had the class BBQ at Eunice's condominium. Despite some disappointments in the form of some people backing out at the last minute, the BBQ rocked! It was really fun. I enjoyed grilling the food till the grill went black. With Siti by my side, it only made the BBQ even better. There was satay, chicken wings, balls(...fish & sotong), stingray, and Yogesh's "stingray" which is the squid. Yogesh is such a kukufied person, she can't cook if her life depended on it. Squid can become stingray. Only possible with Yogesh.

Wei Shan went crazy. I suspect it was the alcohol. Yes, there was some alcohol there. Too bad I missed out on the beer. I really wanted some root beer. Anyway, Siti and I filled up our tiny tanks with lots of Pepsi Twist and a few cans of Green Tea. I was practically enjoying taking the drinks out of the cold, cold container, because my hand was bloody hot from the fire in the grill.

Did I mention, Siti and I make good cooks? It's true. We were enjoying ourselves cooking and fanning the grill. Much to Marissa's and Lizz's disappointment, I have to put on record. Those two were like, "Can you go sit down and do what couples do?". And Siti and I just continued cooking. I don't know why, yesterday, I just had a sudden urge to cook.

Must be the satay man in my blood. Satay ah!

Siti got thrown into the pool. It was damn funny. I did not see it though. Was busy cooking the stingray when Alex came running telling me that Siti got thrown in. She was not the only one though, there was Yogesh, Iona, Wei Shan and that monster who needed 4-5 girls to push her into the pool, the monster named Peiyi. None of the guys got wet, fortunately. I played on the safety of holding on to my brother's digicam. Jie was busy relaxing one corner like the wannabe mat he is, Alex was just lazing around watching things happen. Jay, was missing. Siti had so much fun. There has to be something wrong with my girlfriend. She liked being thrown into the pool?! No, i'm just kidding. I'm happy that she enjoyed herself, and did not feel left out.

Took many many many photos. I guess that's why I never get to hold the camera. I'm a happy snapper. I think I took about 70 photos in the space of 3 hours. But, hey, what's a digicam for if you don't take pictures with it. I really need to get a digicam. It's so fun holding one. I realised one more thing, on Wednesday, when I was walking home from school, I think, I was wondering if I could carry $1000 worth of stuff in my hands. My mini ipod and handphone combined made $700. Yesterday, that dream came true. Together with my brother's digicam, it made a grand total of $1300. In only three palm-size gadgets. That's a shit load of money man!

Please don't try to rob me. I'm a Mat. I'll only rob you back.

It's 5.30am. I realised I'm blogging at weird times of the day. But who cares? As long as I satisfy my readers by giving them loads of pleasure to evoke their every emotions. Somehow, I feel my vocab for erotic sentences is quite limited. See, I'm a goody goody boy. I think it was a decent effort though.

Ok, people out there. Listen to Another Brick In The Wall by Korn. It's a covey of Pink Floyd's famous song back in the day. I don't know which day, but I know that song's old. Korn did an excellent cover. It's in their greatest hits vol. 1 album. It's the only song to my memory, you will hear them have a guitar solo. Head did an excellent solo on his guitar.

"All in all you're just another brick in the wall..."

If you have time for only one video, catch Always by Blink 182. Great video by them as usual. They make excellent videos. Usually funny. I say usually because as of late, they have taken things more seriously, unlike the previous albums. Running around butt naked or smacking people's fat asses and watching the ripple. Always has a funny side to it, although it's not their ordinary funny. Their funny is sort of dry kind. Anyway, catch it if you can.

Now, I'm going to bed.

Shoo shoo. Nothing more for you.

madnis @ 05:02